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If Best B’wood films were made by Ekta Kapoor

Bolly Masala Fun in a lighter vein:

I have often imagined a lethal, deadly and out of the world combination in Bollywood. Ekta Kapoor directing an epic movie in her serials making style. Just imagine what would happen to a Damini or a Sholay if Ekta would direct it in her Saas Bahu serial style.

So here we have the Epic of Aamir Khan Lagaan redone by our Ekta Kapoor. Aamir khan has just stepped out of a Saas bahu Serial of Ekta and has been roped in to do the Bhuvan of Lagaan. In fact the entire crew of the Saas Bahu serial has been hired to do the Shoot of the movie. So the effects of the serial remain. Every time he hits a six or a four, the same is repeated thrice with the special sound effects and the English captain raising his eyebrow and turning his head towards Bhuvan in Anger. So we have Aamir khan hits, three fours or three sixes and then the English captain looking thrice at him for the Hit. This ensures that Ekta gets the creative satisfaction for the making of Lagaan, the actors get to pour the emotions they always wanted to, the score of the team goes for a toss as they somehow manage to score 750+ due to the triple score hit effects, the length of the movie goes to a nice 5 hours and the people are clueless as to what they are watching.

Some frustrated souls attempt a la Rajnikanth and try to scramble outside the theatre, but Ekta has locked the theatre doors. Some scared souls sit tight in their chairs and say “all is well, all is well” watching the score, some have already fainted not able to handle the trauma which they have been subjected to. Some have gone hysterical and dance madly looking at the Lagaan Team score so much. The organisers of the premiere had invited Salman Khan, Katrina Kaif, Shah Rukh Khan, Deepika and Kareena. They all give make hurried tweets declaring their retirement from the Film Industry. Priyanka Chopra has decided to settle in the US permanently after this if she is able to escape the theatre alive. Sunny Leone calls up Rajashree Productions and promises to work only with Barjatiyas henceforth. Aamir himself can’t believe what he is watching in the theatre and calls up Ekta to give up all his future profit share only if she could stop this one show and end the Ordeal. She is reluctant to accept the offer and hangs up.

It is only after the State Defense officials call up Jeetendra citing security threat to the mental state of the entire nation after watching Ekta’s Lagaan and he after he in turn speaking to Ekta, that she agrees to stop the screening of the movie. The Government is happy that it will complete its term, the actors who had come to the premiere are relieved that they are free now and the Public is happy that finally the torture is over. Like it is said in Bollywood movies and happens always..All is well that ends well. Happy Ending..

Uttpal K

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