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Surname

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Why should a woman change her surname after marriage? I ask this question to all who are reading especially females. I say this because changing once a surname / name is totally up to the individual, hence not asking the men folk. It is totally up to the woman to change her surname or not. In my personal view no woman should change her surname rather ask the husband to change his. I am sorry I am being blunt here, but no rule compels a woman to put a Bindi/Sindur/Mangalsutra. It’s a man’s insecurity that he asks his wife to do so in the hope that no other man would look at his wife once he sees these forced items of declaring a woman as married. On the other hand, he immediately removes the ring from his finger on some pretext or the other so that he can move in the society posing as a bachelor and lure other girls/woman. I have never seen a man fasting for his wife, but expects his wife to do a Karwa Chauth for him. I appeal all men to stop being insecure, give space and freedom to their better half (if they really consider her their better half) and do not force such stupid things like changing surname unless she herself wishes to.

Uttpal K

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30 thoughts on “Surname

  1. I will answer your question on why a woman would want to change her name. I would change mine for the one I love, for the one I would belong to, it wouldn’t be out of compulsion, it would be because I would love my name being taken with his. Its not a womans’ issue for me…its totally different! Thats my take. I would love to do all shringar for him…not as a symbol of me being married but because I would love being complete then. Again a matter of personal choice.

    1. Shweta, you elaborated what i said in a single line earlier. If a woman decides to this out of her love for her husband then its a different thing, but it should not be made mandatory. 🙂

    1. Yes Swati, All humans are never treated equal especially Man and woman and we talk of Human rights. This is a glaring example which is always neglected conveniently.

  2. Nice thoughts 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
    Raj (SRK) fasted on KarwaChauth with Simran (Kajol) in the movie DDLJ! 🙂
    Yes, I agree that may all get their personal choice & freedom!

  3. There are so many well known personalities who gain success after a little change in his/her name so you cant straight ignore the value of name or the importance of the name. It may be just by chance or for 1 out of 1000 but it works. So I think UK ji , There is something in name. you cant ruled out it straight forward.But I agree with you that it should not be happen forcefully.

  4. I think changing surname, putting sindoor, fasting for husband are societal norms. One should be at liberty to follow or chuck them. Ofcourse, there will be opposition. But if one is convinced, then he/she should act as per their conviction.

  5. I loved your voice. I have time and again asked women why do they need to change their surname? In some cases their first name too. Why do they need to include their husband’s or their father’s name as their middle name? I do not like the idea and hence do not conform to it. I’m married and I proudly say that my name is my own, neither my father’s nor my husband’s. I’m neither one’s property and they love me for my individuality and do not restrict me from achieving things on my own with my own name. I hope one day men and women realize this too that one’s name is their own identity and should not be used to mark property.

  6. I don’t think husbands do that usually, I mean removing the rings and all but it was very considerate of you to think in a woman’s perspective. I wanted to change my name after marriage but then my husband’s name was rather short and I thought it sounded quite odd when his name was added to mine. But then I knew that adding his name to mine made him happy not because he was insecure, but because he wanted them together :-). And now even I have started loving it. But yeah when I blog I use Shruti Gopinath because I was Shruti Gopinath for 25 years of my life and want it to be my identity while and whenever I write.
    I think that’s it :-).

    1. Thanks for opening up Shruti. I wrote what I saw. Doing out of love is different and i respect your feelings towards your Husband. He is lucky. 🙂

  7. As I have already said. UK it should be one choice and not compulsion. I have given my explanation of three interpretation of changing / adding not changing ones surname. There surely can be others explanation as well so why debate. Let that be a personal choice. Changing ones. Surname can even be my subdued fantasy… Then why stop that…. Isn’t that again imposing a man’s wish. Let That be a freedom for yhe lady.

  8. Your thoughts of an individual’s choice started off so well, until for me, it made no sense further. Talking about an individual and then generalizing men into a category where men seem to have no love or sense or precisely to put, you portrayed them evil. (I m sorry, writing down my thoughts, is all)
    The world’s too big and there are men who don’t take off the ring even after their wife are gone, who have done loads, and there’s no comparison. It never is. The moment u compare and generalize, the marriage/love is gone already.
    Best Wishes.

    1. Shashank, I respect and accept your views with a smile. My only question is why do we need to discuss “exemplary” cases when it could be a practise for all men if we all wished to? Just because you and I and a few others are faithful husbands does not justify things and correct the wrongs of the entire Men population. That was my only point.. 🙂

  9. Absolutely agree with your views…If a woman is willingly takes the surname of husband no problem…but it should not be imposed via social or legal norms. And similarly I would not like a man change his surname either. If he does this out of love that would be great. After all, it’s all about individual freedom.

  10. I have friends who have changed both first and last names, and friends who have not changed their surname. Some have changed it but they don’t like it, and use hyphens etc.

    I say let them do what they want. If a girl is happy changing her name, let her be. And if she wants to keep the old one, let her do that too.

    Let us not label them as ‘old fashioned’ or ‘forward’ or agaaaau as people are wont to.

    1. 🙂 Pragati. if its out of love and respect coming from inside its fine, I feel one should not do it for sake of pleasing someone..

  11. I thank you all for the tremendous support which you all gave and made it a top post on IB. I am sure you will keep reading and loving my work the same way in future too.. 🙂
    God Bless..

  12. Aptly said sir. It’s upto the woman whether she likes to change her sirname of not. Moreover, in recent time, we are seeing a trend where a lady keeps both of the sirnames. That’s more and more prevalent nowdays.

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